Emotional Intelligence During COVID-19
Last month, I spoke to a group of ACFO-ACAF members about the importance of emotional intelligence during the COVID-19 pandemic. This got me thinking about how there’s so much going on around the world, and with responsibilities piling up, your emotions and handling the emotions of others can often feel overwhelming.
This is a completely normal and understandable response to these difficult times we’re living in. If you’re looking to manage these emotions more effectively, though, with the right competencies and mindset, understanding and acknowledging them can feel much more possible.
Here are five especially important competencies to keep in mind during COVID-19 from the EQ-i 2.0® model and techniques for how to manage them.
Self-Actualization
If you have a high level of Self-Actualization, you’re able to live a life of meaning, purpose and fulfillment. You’re also constantly willing to improve yourself and gather constructive feedback.
Think of someone who’s always pushing themselves to lift more weight at the gym, or who’s often setting goals, achieving them, then setting new ones. If you’re lacking in Self-Actualization, you might find it hard to enjoy life or feel motivated to improve yourself.
For the self-actualized of the world, I’m sure you’re thinking that you have to “do something” while in quarantine. You feel you need to master the violin, bake every variety of bread known to man, and become fluent in Korean.
If this feels true to you and you’ve yet to make progress, don’t beat yourself up. Just making it out of this pandemic in one piece is an accomplishment in and of itself. It can be especially challenging without your usual routine, so if you spend a day lounging around and watching Netflix instead of working on your Korean alphabet, cut yourself some slack.
On the other hand, if you’re lacking in Self-Actualization, you might find it especially hard in quarantine and feel like there’s no end in sight. If this is the case, try conducting a “self-appraisal” of your passions and values, both in your work and life. Just ask yourself, what’s important to me?
If you’re struggling to come up with some values, here’s a list you can work from. Print the list and circle the ones that stand out to you, or cut and paste them into a Word document. Then, put them in order. Are the values at the top of your list a part of your daily life? If not, how could you incorporate them?
For example, if family is your top value, and you’re not spending time with your family every day, schedule regular phone calls with your parents, or dedicate an hour every day to quality, screen-free time with your kids.
Emotional Self-Awareness
Someone high in Emotional Self-Awareness is able to recognize their emotions and differentiate the subtleties between them. For example, they would know not just when they’re angry, but they’d know when they’re furious, or maybe just irritated, or even enraged. Also, they understand both the causes and impacts of their emotions. They know what might trigger them, and when to express them externally compared to reflecting quietly on them.
Someone with a low level of Emotional-Self Awareness, however, might not understand where their emotions come from, what they’re feeling, and how they impact the people around them.
During turbulent times such as the COVID-19 pandemic, you might feel a range of emotions in a short amount of time, which can be both troubling and confusing.
However, the Mood Meter is a fantastic tool for identifying what emotion you’re feeling in any given moment. You simply rate the pleasantness of your emotion on a scale of 1 to 10, then the level of energy from 1 to 10. Once you map those numbers on the meter, you’ll be given one of 100 different emotions. By knowing what you’re feeling, it’s a lot easier to see your emotions objectively then manage them accordingly. In other words, if you can name it, you can tame it.
Once you’ve named an emotion you’re looking to unpack, take the time to identify the following:
Triggers: What event caused the emotion you’re experiencing? Has this event triggered this emotion before?
Physical manifestations: How does this emotion feel in your body and how does it show up?
Small shifts in emotions: As the emotion starts to pass, what do these small shifts look like? What is causing the shift?
If you’re able to lay out the facts, your emotional reactions will be easier to predict in the future and you’ll be better equipped to handle any negative side effects.
Empathy
If there were any EI competency to underscore during COVID-19, it’s empathy. Someone highly empathetic recognizes, appreciates and respects the emotions of others.
Another key attribute as identified by Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is that they listen to understand rather than listening to reply. They’re able to article and reflect understanding of someone else’s perspective extremely effectively.
On the other hand, someone who’s lacking in empathy has a lack of awareness, or possibly even interest, in others’ feelings.
We’ve all struggled in one way or another, but some of us might be struggling more than others: your friend lost her job, or; your colleague’s elderly father is sick in the hospital with COVID-19. While your words may not be able to fix these terrible situations for the people in your life, your active listening and full presence can provide comfort.
To work on your presence and active listening, whether with your spouse, your employee, or a friend, in person or on Zoom, ask them to sit down with you for 15 minutes. Ask them to talk about a challenge they’re experiencing. For those 15 minutes, you will:
Not respond. You will simply listen as actively as possible to the person speaking. Do not interrupt at any point in time.
Maintain present posture. Do not cross your limbs. Maintain eye contact. Lay your hands in your lap. Relax your face and keep your body still.
Reflect statements. Inevitably, your partner will stop speaking at a certain moment in time, so simply reflect what they’ve said by using their language as well as paraphrasing.
Observe body language. Are they leaning forward in their chair? Are they particularly expressive with their hands, face, or tone of voice? If something is standing out to you, notice it aloud with your partner and allow them to react.
Be comfortable with silence. A journalism trick is often that journalists will ask a question, and when a natural silence occurs, they will pause and say nothing, waiting for the interviewee to continue and fill the silence. What they say next can often be more revealing than their first answer. Let your partner explore their thoughts and feelings with silence.
You’ll be surprised by how someone can resolve their own problems simply by being given the space to talk it out. During COVID-19, the greatest gift you might give someone is a sounding board.
Stress Tolerance
If you’re able to cope with stressful or difficult situations with ease, effective manage workloads, establish priorities, meet deadlines, and perform well under pressure, chances are that you have a high level of stress tolerance.
However, if you struggle to manage stress, you probably have a constant feeling of anxiety, of being overwhelmed, or of crumbling under pressure.
With a global pandemic and economic recession striking at the same time, threatening the health and financial security of billions, odds are that you’ve experienced an uptick in stress over the last several months. On the stress curve, if you’re juggling multiple responsibilities, you might be getting into the orange zone of too much stress, or if you’ve lost your job and you’re struggling with severe anxiety, you might be in the red burnout zone.
No matter the severity of your stress, there are coping techniques you can employ. One is simply evaluating where you are on the stress curve, because just like naming your emotions, identifying your placement on the stress curve can help you see your stress more objectively and know when you need to reach out for help.
Another is identifying healthy stress relief activities and finding ways to schedule them in every day. Whether it’s through meditation, going for a walk, doing yoga, or having a glass of wine with a good book, we all have methods of letting go of the day’s stresses.
Even if it’s only for ten minutes, penciling these activities into your day will help melt your stress away. If you’re having a hard time pinpointing that activity, ask yourself, what’s an activity where I don’t notice the time passing?
Optimism
A high level of optimism allows you to have a positive attitude and outlook on life. You remain hopeful and resilient despite setbacks, which helps you ward off stress, eliminate barriers to achievement, and inspire others. Optimism is infectious!
Just like pessimism is infectious. A pessimistic attitude means that you’re fearful about the future and failure to the point where you expect and plan for the worst. In the midst of COVID-19, it can be easy to default to pessimism and a feeling of hopelessness.
If you’re someone who jumps to the worst-case scenario, try first to identify the best possible outcome and create a vision. Visualizing your success is one of the pillars of coaching for the very reason that it can point you in the right direction of what you need to do in order to realize your vision.
For example, if you’ve lost your job during COVID-19 and have lost hope in your ability to find a new job, visualize your job search going really well. What resources are you tapping into? What kinds of jobs are you applying for? How much time are you devoting a day to your job search? By getting specific with your vision, a path toward a better future will become clearer.
Explore Your EQ
While I’ve identified these five specific competencies as being especially important during COVID-19, in reality, all EQ competencies are vital in order to cope during difficult times.
If you’ve read this article and are now curious about how you score in each of the five competencies I’ve mentioned, you can complete an EQ-i 2.0 assessment to determine your scores. I’ve mentioned some techniques for improving your competencies, but getting your assessment and accompanying coaching sessions will allow us to build a customized action plan together tailored to your needs.
To provide assistance to those who might not have the funds during the coronavirus pandemic, until August 31st, 2020, I’m providing these services at-cost, meaning I make no profit and you only pay for the administration fee of the assessment.
While this is no easy time in 2020 and we’ll continue to have struggles beyond the COVID-19 pandemic, developing your emotional intelligence can help ease the stresses and unpleasant emotions that life might throw at you.
You can watch my one-hour keynote on emotional intelligence during COVID-19 for ACFO-ACAF members for free here.